My mind-frame over a week later

Well it's been over a week since the situation that went down over a week ago in regards to someone in particular that I have not scene in over a week. He has called me from time to time, but sometimes I'll answer and others will not. I just don't have anything to say to him at this time and pretty much in the future.

I had planned on getting back my phone but he asked to use it until he gets his back on. Yet of course I have access to my bill online. I let him keep it mainly to because I was concerned about Kayla and his family not being able to contact him, not the chick he has been talkin to out of town. Yet you don't need to be a scientist to figure out who he has been talking to majority of the time.

My friends say I should have gotten it back, but unfortunately I didn't listen. I do know that there are other factors I have to consider and when those have been dealt with accordingly I will have my phone back at the most by the end of May regardless of his situation. Most likely I will probably let him keep the phone if I don't decide to give it someone else. As far as I'm concerned it's tainted, and most definitely I will have to change my phone number because I don't need or want any chicken heads callin my phone. I know I wouldn't be a lady if I answered the phone.

Anyway by the time I get it back all I would think about is how fucking deceptive he's been and I probably would trash it. So by the time I get my phone back I will just have service transferred over to the new Samsung Upstage that I plan to buy at the end of the month.

I also keep thinkin about the conversation we had and how much bullshit it was to me. If I am a "dear friend" as you so call it, you wouldn't lie to me point blank. A friend is someone who is honest and upfront regardless of how you might take a situation. You can't have anything but respect for them depending on how they bring it to you. You use my phone to call this chick and I'm at your place, have you lost your fucking mind? How disrespectful!! Hell don't even use your OWN phone if I"m there. If I'm there then talk to me.

All I can think about is how I was screwed over with previous chicks from his past and how it's happened all over again. I don't need this, I'm a much better person than this and this is a headache I just don't need anymore. I'm too tired to keep wondering and thinking about woulda, shoulda, coulda's. When he can't try, always lies, and constantly denies.

With everything that has been going on I wouldn't be surprised if you she has been in town to visit him especially this past March or so. Something about not being able to contact a person for over a week really makes you think about things.

Well anyway my eyes are open and it's time for me to clean "my house".once I get what I am owed by the end of May, I am done. I'm done with the lies, deception, dishonesty, and selfishness. I'm done with him.

when headaches subside but don't go away

Orignally written 4-23-07 10:15pm

Well it's ya girl again and tonight I'm just at home chillin out. Probably will go outside and just sit on my front steps for a second and think about this past weekend. Much has been going on in my mind and everything I think about points to one thing. Seperation. Seperation. Seperation.

When you read my previous post you know that I had one hell of a Friday. I still don't know what I'm thinkin right now. I just know that nothing that I think of can make me feel better and the only thing that will help me is seperation. I keep wondering to myself how did I get so damn sucked into this shit AGAIN??

I guess I have too much of a good heart, yet I have it on the wrong people as well as the right.. All I seem to get from time to time is headaches about the situation. I refuse to become depressed about it because I know where that can lead me. As I think about it more and more, I feel that it's time for me to get away from Saint Louis....get away from Missouri.....and put down roots somewhere else.

Where I can find someone who will appreciate me....cherish me.....respect me.....and love....me.

The pen is back down on the paper

What is up to all. Hope you find yourself in a better mood than I have been in the past 24 hours. I know it has been a long time since I last left my words of wisdom to you. For that I apologize. I was swept up with the new year as well as my new job and also thought that I might be able to renew something else back in my life. Yet unfortunately not all that smells is a bed of roses.

You know how you have that sixth sense about you and know something is going down. This is especially for the women. I unfortunately seem to have this sense down. Needless to say my heart felt it was ripped out last night and I must say I should have seen it coming.

Sometimes loves makes a of fool out of you, but it's worse when you make a fool out of yourself. People say good things come to those who wait. I've waited over 5 years and not a damn thang has come from it. Just more disappointment and heartache.