what love is....

Sometimes I wonder....no lets redo this....I always wonder about my life if I had done things differently. Lets say there is someone that your always thinking about and still love deeply but you both haven't talked in a while. I mean a really long time because of circumstances that happened a while back. You've known this person for a long time and your paths seem to cross from time to time.

Yet out of the blue they contact you and let you know things they feel about you. Yet after reading the message over and over again you wonder why they are contacting you now. You get together with that person one evening and meet up and when you look at them it's as though time hasn't passed in a way. You still get that same funny feeling in your gut, you get a little light-headed, your skin gets those little goosebumps with heat, and you just itch with ache to touch them. there like a drug (for lack of a better terminology) and withdrawal is a bitch when you've gone without for such a long time.

After talking with them from time to time which is measured more in days than in hours, you come to realize that most likely the life he has made for himself is quite permanent. Most likely there aren't anymore chances for you both. You still hold out hope but in the end it still comes back to where the ways things are in reality. Your analizye it from every angle possible and it keeps coming back at a crossroads. Do you hold out or do you move on?

Some people might say hold out you never know if the tide might turn. Others say move on enough time has passed and if things were going to end the way you wanted them to, it should have happened by now. Both possibilites hold weight, but sometimes I cry to myself and think, damn life can just be bitch. Sometimes I think should I stick it out and fight for what I want or just walk away and say it was a good time while it lasted even with all the bumps in the road.

I do know regardless of my decision there is one main thing I have learned about love......
Love is caring about someone so much that even if you love them with all your heart, even if they don't end up with you....you want them to be happy regardless.

That I can say is probably the hardest lesson I've learned so far.....

At job #1

At work right now just trying to keep from fainting at my desk. Been feeling light headed eversince I started.

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Sometimes I feel like chuckin this damn laptop

I don't know what the f*** is going on with my laptop but one of my favorite applications, Daily Mugshot is seriously fucked on it. For you who don't know it's in application where you take a daily pic of yourself and it goes into rotation on your widget where you decide to put it on the web. Normally I would take a pic around 3:30pm and be done with it. Yet for some damn reason yesterday it started to act up to the point that the website was acting really strange.

So pretty much once I got home today I tried to work on it some more. Literally for almost 3 + hours. I even tried it on my desktop and it doesn't work there. The designer of the page said nothing was wrong with the site and it was function just fine from his end. So I'm not sure what the fuck is going on. So I'm at my wits end and tried some other things to troubleshoot it and now when I go on the page to take a pic. The Flash application where you choose to take a pic is so jacked up it keeps continously non stop counting down to taking pics even though my webcam is not on and it make the damn special effects sounds over and over again.

I go on my blog just to make all my other flash applications are working fine and they are. nothing wrong with them what so ever, but my Dailymugshot widget is nothing but a black square. I love the site but this shit has got me pissed off. As soon as I find another site with the same concept I'm jumpin ship. Hopefully they will make a way to download your pics so you can shift them to another site, because this problem fuckin blows.

boxing makes a body good:)

Well I've been on my boxing kick for about 3 weeks now and I must say it's wonderful. I've decided to get the guy that does my boxing class and have him be my personal trainer. So I'll work with him 3 days a week. My mom says she already sees a change in my shape and so does my sister so I'm like whoa. Most important I'm not bored with it. I'm excited to go class and punch the hell out those bags.

Of course I'm meeting new faces in my different classes and it's great to get that support and encouragement from the teacher also to make sure you have the correct form. Im so happy I found this gym!!!

Beyond that, work is well....work. Thanxgiving is coming up and of course Black Friday will be the day to remember as usual. I will be working a 12 hour shift so pray for a sista. Can't wait to see how long the lines are for this one. Oh and to save you the trouble of wondering what will be out for black friday just click here. Enjoy!!!

Making history.....

So with the election I must say Im happy has a damn lark. That Tuesday morning I woke up 4am and was so hyped to vote for the first time in my life that I got to my polling area by 4:30am. My parents were there 20 minutes later and my sister was there within 1 hour. I was the 20th person in line and by the time polls opened at 6am the line had made almost a complete square. The polling location was at the Saint Louis County Library off of Natural Bridge. So if you are familiar with the building and the parking lot where the line was going, then u understand.

By the time I was done voting I was finally back home by 6:45am. With time to spare to eat breakfast and get ready for work. Mom and dad were back by 7am so mom made some eggs and some other stuff. So when I got to work, I had to deal with about 8 teachers out. That was a nightmare but they were in the same boat as me in regards to voting so I wasn't mad at all. It was a pain in the ass to find the kids some place to go but by the time the day was over, all the teachers had made it into work except for one.

So after work I went to my boxing class from 5pm to 6pm. I must say Im loving it!!! So great to just let loose and release on a bag thinking about my job and other things that might be bothering me. Afterwards I went home to unwind and watch the results from election. I was wired from it I had to change the channel and watch Family Guy because I was starting to get that familiar twitch in the back of my left eye so I had to not think about it because I was getting too nervous that the Republicans might pull some weird ass upset. I eventually dozed off and then my mom wakes me up within an hour and announces that Barack had won. I told her don't tease me and she changes my channel. I was in shock and got out my bed and actually touched my tv screen and started to tear up.

I never thought I would see a black president at my age, yet it showed me that people picked him (at least I hope they did) because of his character and not of his skin tone. yet Im not blind to ignorance alot of people decided on just that, yet I think personally it help with the slump of the economy and the Republican party not being unified and clear in their goals. They have to understand, you had 8 years to get things right and you failed. So now hopefully we can get back on track but it will take time with this mess that Bush has left us. Yet you know what I find silly?

My dad said, "thank you for Bush", Unfortunately it took him screwing us over so bad that people probably felt they had nothing to lose if they let the black guy try. Yet of course it didn't hurt that unfortunatly McCain wasn't as convincing. What really stunned me is that had he been as eloquent throughout the campaign as he had been in his speech on Election night he might have had a chance.

So now after all the fanfare, I'll wait on Jan. 20, my mom's birthday, for our 44th President, Barack Obama to be sworn in as our leader. I pray that he will help us through these hard times, but most importantly I hope he will help unite this country with the help of McCain and others. Lord knows we need it. We are so busy fighting a battle oversees we have yet to win the one that has been here in the USA since the conception of this country. Equality.

Man what a yesterday

Ok, so yesterday (Friday) was Personal development day at my main job from 8am to 3pm. It was definitely an informative session and I didn't end up leaving until 4:50pm. I was trying to make it to boxing class by 5pm, but was held up by a discussion with my principal so i didn't get there until about 10 minutes late into the session. My boy Kurt was at the counter and I said hi to him and then I got on my gloves and got into some boxing action. The session lasted until 5:30pm but MAN they work your ass. So by then I was defintely worked over.

I went home afterwards and chilled out. As soon as Im home Im greeted with an issue. Apparently the main tv in the family room is having an issue with the cable box. So I call Charter to fix it, I give it about 40 minutes to reset itself, that didn't work so Im having Charter to come out and fix it. One of my fav cousins calls me up and we decide to hook up this Sunday since I don't have work. My younger sis came over to the house and she is sporting a new hair cut. Looks cute but it will definitely have to grow on me. So today (Saturday) I am thinking about getting work for the main job done today since I don't have to be at job #2 until 4pm, yet Im thinking about taking up a Cardio Kickboxing class at 11am today as well......temptations....temptations:)