When is it time to let go?

Good morning to all. If you live in the Saint Louis, MO area then no doubt you are probably recovering from Saturday's Hail Storm that brought about the biggest pieces of hail that I have EVER seen. Besides that the weekend was for the most part quiet.

Yet yesterday I went with my mother to visit a friend of her's who was ill and in the hospital. I had the pleasure of meeting this lady and her husband last year at their home I think in UCity.... When I first entered their home I was just taken back by all the beautiful pictures, artwork (paintings and sculptures), and furniture. If I thought the first floor was something else, I was really in for a treat when I went downstairs to checkout their basement. You would have sworn it was a mini black history museum with even more photos with famous political figures and well known artists, more artwork, and more furniture that would just knock you out of your socks!

My mother would tell me stories about Mrs. Erlieen and how she was one of the baddest dressers back in her day around and how she "inspired" my mom to step her game up whenever she would go out. lol When I met her last year I was amazed that this 92 year old woman remembered me as a little girl and I sat with her on her  couch and she would tell me stories about my mom and how they worked together at the old Southwest High School off of Kingshighway which is now known as the Central Visual and Performing Arts High School. I remember as a kid when I would go with my mom this beautiful mural that was painted in front which is now unfortunately gone. It was called Nouveau Rousseau named for after the French painter, Henry Rousseau. I was able to find some pictures of it though..

credit to: http://www.beltstl.com/2011/03/the-mural-on-southwest-high-school/

credit to: http://www.eco-absence.org/stl/swhs/

credit to: http://www.eco-absence.org/stl/swhs/

Her husband, Mr. Max, is also quite the character and is also in his nineties, I think 95. Yet he was walking around quite well and was full of hilarious stories. While Mrs. Erlieen unfortunately was having issues walking around and had to rely heavily on her walker. It was too funny when a friend of theirs came over and they told me beforehand they were going to try to play "matchmaker". I just laughed it off and when the visitor came over I looked at Mrs. Erlieen and asked her quietly in her ear, what she was thinking. The man had to be in AT LEAST in his fifties. lol We both had a good laughing spell after that.

When my mother and I were on our way out the door, her husband tried ONE more time to play matchmaker and at that point all I could do was laugh out loud and give him a hug. I told my mom we had to come back over and visit with them some more. Unfortunately we never made the time to do so until this weekend. My mom informed me that Mrs. Erlieen was in the hospital and I told her that I would like to see her. So yesterday afternoon, we made our way to St. Luke's Hospital out in Chesterfield. Her room was located in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and we saw Mr. Max there along with a few other people, one of them my mother recognized. We couldn't see Mrs. Erlieen but we could hear her painful wailing behind the curtain to her room. Mr. Max informed us that she has internal bleeding and that the nurses were trying to alleviate her pain but the medicine they really wanted to give her they couldn't because of her heart condition. We had to put on special coverups with gloves before we could go into her room.

My mother and I had to wait around 15 min before we were allowed to see her and what greeted us made my heart break. The lady I met last year with her hair perfectly coiffed, nails done and gracious smile was no where in that room. What I saw was a woman who I barely recognized with tubes all around, in and out of consciousness, shivering, hair pulled back with a head band. I touched her on her shoulder and said her name a few times. She just shook her head from side to side. We spoke with her briefly for a few minutes and said my name to her and she repeated it a few times. My mom walked out before me. I tried to hold her hand but it was beneath so many covers. I rubbed her shoulder and then pulled the covers up around her neck. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and I told her I hope she feels better and leave the room.

The whole time we were in there. She was say various things over and over such as "Obama help me" , "Max, where are you Max" , "Lord help me". After I left the room the nurse informs us that we would need to move because they would be bringing in another patient that would be housed in the room right behind Mrs. Erlieen and they needed that space to bring in the patient. So as my mom and her friend were getting their things together I just stood across Mrs. Erlieen's room in the waiting area and my eyes start to tear up. When I saw her in that bed I thought about one of my grandmothers who was in the hospital back when she was sick before she passed. I thought to myself that will probably be one of the last times if not THE last time I see Mrs. Erlieen.

I wonder how much can she hang on in so much pain. She and Mr. Max have been married for over 60 years. That is a long time to be with someone. They never had kids and it wasn't that they didn't try, unfortunately it just was not meant to be for them. My mother's friend said that it seems that Mrs. Erlieen is in so much pain that maybe it's her time to go. Yet she is worried about Mr. Max because it doesn't seem that HE is ready to let her go. So I wonder to myself as we on one of the elevators to take us back to ground level, if I had a significant other and they were ill due to natural causes or some debilitating disease and they were in such pain, would I be able to let them go? Would it be selfish of me have try to keep them alive because I'm afraid to be without them?

Once I get back home I decide to take a drive out to Forest Park and just chillout at the Art Hill in front of the Art Museum. I take a book along and I read for a little while. Eventually I give up because a slight chill is starting to take away part of my focus, the scenery is so beautiful I'm trying to figure out how the hell am I actually reading a book, and folks are coming around and I enjoy "people watching". So after a while I make it back to my car and slowly drive out of Forest Park with some jazz music playing. I replay the day throughout my head and wonder to myself what this week will bring...


*UPDATE 5/1/12* My mom informed me once I got home today that Mrs. Erlieen passed away this morning. I had planned on seeing her yesterday after work but unfortunately was not able to. I hope she is resting with the angels and my prayers are with her husband.

What a nice weekend 4/22/2012

This Friday was super busy for me to the point I was not able to eat anything until after work. We threw a party for our students for them doing such a good job with MAP testing. I also had to crank out progress reports to be ready to go in the mail. I didn't leave work until 5:15pm to prep for our Annual Garage Sale that was happening Saturday. After all that fun I left work and had some self pampering done and eventually made my way where I fell into exhaustion and woke up around 10pm. My girl Bridgette was having a birthday gathering at the InSpot Lounge off of Delmar, but that started at 9pm. I got dressed and texted her and she stated that she along with some other friends were already on their way to the OZ club over in Illinois. So I put on a pair new shoes that I bought back in February and had to test them out to gauge my balance. So after walking in them a while I made my way on out to meet them.

BMS Garage Sale 2012

For those who enjoy combing through Garage Sales, please come on through today at Brentwood Middle School from 8am to 11am, 9127 White Ave, Brentwood, MO 63144. Someone else's stuff might become your treasure! Look forward to seeing ya!

Shameless Plug: The Computer Caretaker

This evening I'm bringing another shameless plug for one of my best friends. I've known him since we were in high school. At least 15 years. Trenton is nothing short of a miracle worker when it comes to computers. When other people have probably stated, get a new cpu or just wipe out the hard drive and start over. He actually puts up a fight and tries to save every piece of data that he can before doing anything else. Quite easily I can say he is probably the smartest man I know when it comes to computers and he taught himself the mechanics of computers, inside and out. When he talks about them in depth, I can say at times it kind of reminds me of my Spanish class, the blank look I normally have when something is being said and I don't have a clue what it means;) Yet I can be proud and say I don't have as many blank looks as I used to.

 If you have a cpu that is giving you trouble and you've tried your nearest national electronics retailer, given it to a friend to fix, or tried doing it yourself without the results you are looking for, give my boy a try. He normally works in the Saint Louis, MO area, but he does make house calls outside the area depending on the distance. He has a facebook fan page here and his website for the business is here. Trust me whenever my family has cpu problems of any kind, we immediately call him first. The man is a beast when it comes to a challenge and I have not seen one take him down yet.

From Both sides of the scale: Life

Life, is a gift that is amazing from beginning to end. How we come into this world is just as fascinating and no less as important as how we go out. I was debating on writing this blog post because I was worried about how some might "deal" with it. So I finally thought to hell with it. I'm just gonna put it out there so I won't have it stuck in my head anymore.

Last month a cousin of mine and his wife were in a severe car accident. Click here for article--> Right Here. They were on their way home from helping my cousin's sister with some moving boxes. They were hit by a young lady who was severely intoxicated and the end result was my cousin being severely injured to the point that we didn't think he would make it. Unfortunately his wife did not make it and was pronounced dead on the scene. These past weeks have been nothing but trying for my cousin's family with endless vigils at the hospital and prayers for a successful recovery.

They had to keep him in an induced coma because of the extensive internal damage that he suffered. Tubes were running out of everywhere from what I could gather. He had severe lung and intestine damage. By the time he was starting to show progress was a week later. The doctors had instructed my Aunt (his mom) to not inform him of his wife's demise. They feared the shock would be too much for his already traumatized mind and body. He was eventually told a few weeks later.

His wife's family was holding out on having her funeral until he was able to leave the hospital. When my mom told me this I was kinda like "what?" On one hand I can understand the logic because they want him to be able to say goodbye to her one more time, but on the other hand I was thinking it might not be a good idea. He might not want to have the last memory he has of her being in a casket. In the end I'm not sure if he went or not. All I can think of is my cousin having a strong will to live and wanting to fight to still be here.

Now this past week, my mom informed me of another family member this week who also had a brush with death. This family member unfortunately was so depressed and unhappy she felt the only way out was to commit suicide. She found some liquid drainer and apparently drank the majority of it if not all of it. She was sad because she had lost both her foster parents and some other close relatives to her within a year. She lost her house and she just couldn't cope. Thankfully she was not successful in killing herself but unfortunately she has become legally blind from the effects of the liquid drainer.

After I heard this latest story I went to my room and just thought of these two different scenarios (brushes with death), with almost similar endings but from two completely different beginnings. In the first story my cousin did not have any control in what happened to him or his wife. I put the blame fully on the individual that caused the accident. I don't have any sympathy at all for her and I hope they put her under the jail. She destroyed more than 2 lives that night.

On the second story, it's harder for me because in this story, my cousin did have control of what was happening and I feel that there is nothing too much that you shouldn't feel as though you can't talk to a friend or family member for help. Yet I was not in her shoes so I don't know what she was thinking or feeling. I can only speculate. Yet after hearing her story I can only remember when one of my first cousin's back in 1994 committed suicide and she was my age. I was angry because she was gone and felt that she should have been able to come to someone, ANYONE to talk about her problems. She felt the only place she could get an answer was at the end of her dad's pistol. I still think of her from time to time and when I go through old photo albums I always wonder about what she would have looked like at my age and what she would have done with her life.

Overall I love both of my cousins and I wish for them to recover both physically and mentally.

Recap on Easter 04/08/2012

*now you know some of you think of this from time to time*

Well I hope your Easter morning, afternoon, and evening were a blast. They were for me. My mom threw down in the kitchen as usual and one of my nephews came over for a while. So with that said feast your eyes on the pics below and yes the food was just as good as it looks. Now while you look over the pics, I'm gonna try to do some studying at 10pm. lol right.....we will see how far that goes.

Happy Easter to all

When I woke up this morning I thought to myself, It's Easter;) Then I started to remember what Easter meant to me. I remember my mother putting my sister and myself in those crazy itchy death traps called Easter dresses. They would be pretty to look at but as soon as you moved in them, Lord help you they irritate your skin because of all the bloody lace around the whole dress. I remember the pretty socks we would wear with MORE LACE! and those hard ass patent leather black mary jane shoes we had to wear. Oh and one could NEVER forget the little bell that was hidden away in the dresses so whenever you moved you made a little "bell" so people would turn around and look at ya. I personally called this the "cow bell" or the first gps tracking system for kids. It drove me nuts to the point I used to look for it on my dress and hold it in my hand whenever I would walk so I wouldn't make a noise. Then we would go to church from 8am to 2pm and I would fall asleep in the pews and shortly thereafter my mom would thump me in my leg to wake up.

Yet there definitely were some upside to Easter. Who can forget the big beautiful basket with the various candies that ranged from a huge chocolate Easter bunny to small various bags with color m&ms in them. This part is what I looked forward to. Even while suffering through picture taking with my sister who didn't enjoy the dresses as much as I did. We knew as soon as we returned back home from church, we had something to look forward to.

Now as I'm older I realize that Easter is more than just cute frilly dresses with razor sharp lace and big Easter baskets with chocolate Easter bunnies.  For those of some various religious faith, it's the day that Jesus resurrected from the dead and ascended to heaven. Some might celebrate by going to church, others might make a big feast at home and enjoy themselves with family. Whatever you do, just remember to appreciate this day just like any other day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be happy:) Happy Easter all and those who are not of a faith. Happy Sunday;)

It's all about me 4/7/12

Well this week was nice until this past Thursday. I had my 3rd Spanish test that night and I THINK I did okay. I am comfortable acknowledging that being fluent in Spanish I will never be. Yet if I can learn enough to pass Spanish 2 then on cloud 9 I shall be on. On Friday my students had a half day but the staff unfortunately did not get out until regular time. For me that was not until 4pm. After jetting from work I went to the nail salon and received a manicure.

After that I went home and chilled out until 10:30pm. I decided I was in the mood for some sushi so I strolled on down the Delmar Loop and went to the Ginger Bistro to get an order of my favs: Tempura Philly Rolls. While I was enjoying my food, the weirdest sight went past me on Delmar. At least 200 bicyclists in outfits that ranged from normal to downright nuts. When I specify nuts I mean there were people in the pajamas, in fairy costumes, I saw superman, frog costumes, bumblebees and even people who had lights wrapped around them. It was just crazy! After they all went past I asked one of the waiters if he knew about this group of riders and unfortunately he was not knowledgeable about it at all.

So after that  I went home and waited for today to start;)

(4/7/12) I woke up and was just bumming around the house until my stylist called and told me to relay some info to my mom. Afterwards she tells me that she originally wasn't going to go in, hence my appointment was about to be canceled for the day. She then shocks me with the news that she found out a few days ago that she has breast cancer. I sit on my bed and think this can't be happening. This lady has been like a second mother to me. I've known her since I was 14 and she has been doing my hair that whole time and I am now 33. I closed my eyes and thought why again. She asked me if I still wanted to come in I told her yes but I told her it depended on how she felt. I could care less about my hair after hearing that news.

She says she will meet me at her hair salon at 10am so I make sure to bring her some breakfast. While she is doing my hair we speak on different things. Her illness, relationships, and friends. I eventually leave around 1pm and went to Talayna's and grabbed some lunch. Afterwards I went home to take a nap. About 4pm I decide to go back to the nail salon because when I looked at my feet I realized that I should have gotten a pedicure when I was there yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking. lol

So I jet to the Saint Louis Galleria and do some window browsing. I come home and I am currently watching the latest installment in the Hellraiser movie series (Hellraiser: Hellworld) and I must say I was quite impressed. Oh well it's 9:40pm on a Saturday night and I'm at home and all I can think about is trying to find a business in Saint Louis that knows how to arch eyebrows and understands what I want to do with mine.. huh go figure.

Extra Note: If anyone knows what the name of that bicyclists group that rides through at night in the Delmar Loop PLEASE let me know. I'm so mad I didn't have a camera, I would have loved to snap some pics to put with this blog post;)

Shameless plug: JDVIRGIN HAIR - BRAZILIAN NATURAL WAVY 4A grade hair

This evening I was thinking about my sister's hair business and how well she has been doing in her business venture. She sells top BRAZILIAN NATURAL WAVY 4A grade hair at crazy low prices. From what I can tell she can't keep the hair in stock and I know she is due to launch a website soon. She has been doing business nationwide and of course in the good ole Saint Louis, MO.

One of her customers

She has a Facebook fan page here and a YouTube channel here that has almost 13,000 views. When I say she is knowledgeable about some hair, it is no joke. I've watched her videos and the way she gets in depth and in detail about maintaining hair is quite simply mind boggling. So if you are in the weave market to change up or new to the market and want to try out, hit up her page and check out her other customers and see how they are rocking their hair. I will say they look damn good. I think you just might surprise yourself. So in the words of my sister, Tell a friend to tell a friend!

The Lord might work in mysterious ways but even those signals can come across being mixed.

Do you ever feel as though sometimes people are put in your path for a reason? Some might be put in your way as a test to discourage while others are placed there to encourage? Well last night after studying for a while, I decided to go to the Chick-fil-a resturant that was about 10 minutes away because I was craving a large Lemonade. Which I might add the only place that can even consider matching their lemonades are from Penn Station. While I was there just pecking away at my phone an older gentleman who is sitting right across from me, strikes up a conversation. We talk about how crazy the weather is, looking forward to the summertime, our occupations and personal interests. After a while he informs me of a website that I am surprised I have never heard about called Khan Academy. If you know what I'm talking about then you know how this website has really helped students with their homework in various subjects, if you haven't, Check it out!

Afterwards he asked me what I wanted to do, what were my interests. I told him about my passion for technology, socializing with others, especially with kids. There is something about interacting with kids and seeing their faces light up when they are speaking about a subject that is really cool to me. I love when my students come into the office at my job and they say good morning, ask me how I'm doing, and ask what is the latest video game I'm playing. He listens to me and he gives me some suggestions in regards to possible degrees I might look into because I told him even though I'm going for a communications degree, I'm not sure if it's really will fit with what I would like to do, of course problem is I still am not sure what exactly it is I want to do. I know what i have strong interests are but to implement them into something attainable. That is where the big question mark comes into play.

Sometimes, hell alot of times, I get discouraged because I look at myself and I still am wondering why is it taking so long to find myself. I always think I should have had myself together 10 years ago. Graduated middle school (check) graduated high school (check) graduate college (still getting to the mountain top). I try to take time out and fill out questionnaires, talk to school counselors, to friends, and family. Yet I still end up at the same place, back to the beginning with nothing have improved. I get so angry because even with me back in school, I still am confused that I don' t know where  I am going. Yet the thing that scares me the most is that sometimes I feel that I was never meant to go anywhere. It feels as though I am standing still and everything and everyone else has passed me by.

It's frustrating when people say, "you are intelligent and can do anything", I don't want to do just anything. I want to do something that I will enjoy, but if I can't even figure out what THAT is, then I'm right back to square one. Sometimes I wish God would give out GPS systems for those who do not have a clue where to go with their lives, because at this point I would need the one with an extra large color screen, car charger, lifetime download for maps, and lifetime warranty. Then when it says "Your destination is right in front of you" I can say, I finally have arrived.