Well last Saturday I went to my old gym and worked out for a hour on various machines and yesterday I did a zumba class. I had not been to that gym in almost a year. Within that same time frame I had tried other things such as boxing last year that I loved but had to let go because of conflicts with other things. Within that same time frame I gained back all the weight I lost as well as accumulated more. I forgot all my good eating habits and my always constant battle with depression had escalated.
Before the zumba class yesterday I was sitting in my car after having parked on the gym lot and had the windows down thinking can I really do this all over again? I was worried people would judge or ask questions about my weight. I just sat there until 6:10pm and decided now or never. So I got out of my car and in that crazy ass 90's heat I walked my way to the gym doors, took a deep breath and went inside. I made my way to the gym lockers and proceeded to go in and sit on one of the benches. I looked around for a few minutes and then opened my gym bag and looked through it for various items. My sweatband, water bottle, and my favorite purple towel. I zipped everything up and put it away in one of the lockers. I continued to sit there and look around and caught myself in the mirror. I just stared and thought I really have fallen off the wagon....so now I need to play catch up.
The class that was going on in the aerobics room had about 15 minutes to go so I copped a squat on one of the stomach crunch machines and watched them workout. I noticed old faces who had lost weight, new faces and even the new interesting decorum of the room. Apparently they had a zumba party a few MONTHS ago and had yet to take down the decorations. I'm not mad, it will give me something to look at and focus on from time to time.
As people were working out a few recognized me and waved at me and I waved back. Amanda the teacher for the turbo kick class that was in session was trying to wave me into the class. I laughed and made a cutting motion with my hand across my neck. I'm trying to ease back into this with the zumba, that turbo kick class I'm gonna have to figure out on another day. lol
One of the ladies working out eventually comes out of the class for a breather. I remember her from when I used to work out as well. She asked where I had been and I told her I just became so busy and unfortunately lost focused. She asked if I was ready to get back into the swing of things and I told her I'm trying to regain my focus. She also noticed that I did a big chop on my hair. I told her I needed a change and thought that would be a good place to start.
So eventually the turbo kick class comes to an end and I make my way into the aerobics room. Why did I feel nervous and get goosebumps? I made sure to go to the far side of the room in the back. I didn't want to stand out but people did remember me and they welcomed me back. Within a few minutes, the class started. I was for the most part able to remember the routines from back in the day and was able to catch on "somewhat" with the new ones.
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| My girl Thisha - she is amazing! |
After finishing the zumba class, I was sore, tired, and out of breath. But guess what? I was also happy, proud of myself, and still out of breath. lol Today I'm meeting up with my girl Thisha who I can't thank her enough for keeping her foot in my behind about when I was getting back into the gym. I plan on meeting up with her Mon - Thurs to get me back on track. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays I will do the zumba classes and on Tuesdays I will do cycling. (I miss working out with you too CASSANDRA!!!) On the weekends I'm going to try to ride my bike, permitting the weather isn't so hot. If it is, then I will try to go to the gym and workout or go to another one for a workout class.
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| My Mongoose! |
As far as eating right ALL OVER AGAIN! I'm just taking day by day. I know with me I would eat when I was upset, depressed, or trying to take my mind off of things. So I gotta figure that out as well. I'm not doing any dieting, for me it's gonna have to be a "lifestyle change". This can't be temporary which I equate dieting to be. My physical and mental health have suffered so much.
I think about what happened last time and why I stopped. I was looking great but my mentality started to become, "oh don't worry, even if you trip you will be okay" That was a huge mistake I didn't just trip I fell off the track. I was nervous with the person I was seeing in the mirror. I was so used to just being wallpaper for the past 10 years, that the moment that I realized that I could stand out scared me. Especially with my social skills when it comes to meeting new people.
It's time for me to start over and this girl is ready for a change.
Until the next episode....
